its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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