There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
