nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize