I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
