That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize