u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
