I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
