....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
