scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
