this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and she was petting her beer can
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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