I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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