I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize