I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
