I just cut my nipple shaving
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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