Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
