i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
