Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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