If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
