This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
