We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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