So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my god I love twenty year old dicks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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