I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
