She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
