no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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