after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
