I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize