Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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