we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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