Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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