so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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