we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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