She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
