I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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