Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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