He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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