Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My vagina just clenched in fear
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
