This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
