we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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