You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
