Can Purell be used as lube?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
