Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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