all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
