I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
