help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
