just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
