having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
