Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize