he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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