When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
