I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
