I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Too much gin, very little bucket
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
where are you?
Hypothermia
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
