I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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