The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
