So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
