I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
