I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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