I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize