ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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