Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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