I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
