got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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