I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
