put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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