I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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