But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
