Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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