we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
