What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
