I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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