shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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