Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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