im six kinds of drunk right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
