I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
