Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
