I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
