I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
