Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize