Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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