Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
