I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize