I can text with my tongue
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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