We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
