the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
