I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh god it's open bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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