i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
