Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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