I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish you could order shots online.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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