I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
