I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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