Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got inside last night via doggy door
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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