I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
