Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
