he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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