im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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