A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just cut my nipple shaving
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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