Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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