I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Actions speak louder than pants.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
